I had brought upon myself by experimental conduct; the _condition_ had
been aggravated and perpetuated by the stupidity of those in authority
over me. And it was the same experimental conduct on my part, and
stupidity on the part of my new custodians, which gave rise, two weeks
later, to a similar situation. On Friday, November 7th, I was in a
strait-jacket. On November 9th and 10th I was apparently as tractable
as any of the twenty-three hundred patients in the State
Hospital--conventionally clothed, mild mannered, and, seemingly, right
minded. On the 9th, the day after my arrival, I attended a church
service held at the hospital. My behavior was not other than that of
the most pious worshipper in the land. The next evening, with most
exemplary deportment, I attended one of the dances which are held every
fortnight during the winter. Had I been a raving maniac, such
activities would have led to a disturbance; for maniacs, of necessity,
disregard the conventions of both pious and polite society. Yet, on
either of these days, had I been in the private institution which I had
recently left, I should have occupied a cell and worn a strait-jacket.
The assistant superintendent, who received me upon my arrival, judged
me by my behavior. He assigned me to one of two connecting wards--the
best in the hospital--where about seventy patients led a fairly
agreeable life. Though no official account of my case had accompanied
my transfer, the attendant who had acted as escort and guard had
already given an attendant at the State Hospital a brief account of my
recent experiences. Yet when this report finally reached the ears of
those in authority, they wisely decided not to transfer me to another
ward so long as I caused no trouble where I was. Finding myself at last
among friends, I lost no time in asking for writing and drawing
materials, which had so rudely been taken from me three weeks earlier.
My request was promptly granted. The doctors and attendants treated me
kindly and I again began to enjoy life. My desire to write and draw had
not abated. However, I did not devote my entire time to those pursuits,
for there were plenty of congenial companions about. I found pleasure
in talking--more pleasure by far than others did in listening. In fact
I talked incessantly, and soon made known, in a general way, my scheme
for reforming institutions, not only in my native State, but, of
course, throughout the world, for my grandiose perspective made the
earth look small. The attendants had to bear the brunt of my loquacity,
and they soon grew weary. One of them, wishing to induce silence,
ventured to remark that I was so "crazy" I could not possibly keep my
mouth shut for even one minute. It was a challenge which aroused my
fighting spirit.
"I'll show you that I can stop talking for a whole day," I said. He
laughed, knowing that of all difficult tasks this which I had imposed
upon myself was, for one in my condition, least likely of
accomplishment. But I was as good as my boast. Until the same hour the
next day I refused to speak to anyone. I did not even reply to civil
questions; and, though my silence was deliberate and good-natured, the
assistant physician seemed to consider it of a contumacious variety,
for he threatened to transfer me to a less desirable ward unless I
should again begin to talk.
That day of self-imposed silence was about the longest I have ever
lived, for I was under a word pressure sufficient to have filled a
book. Any psychiatrist will admit that my performance was remarkable,
and he will further agree that it was, at least, an indication of a
high degree of self-control. Though I have no desire to prove that at
this period I was not in an abnormal condition, I do wish to show that
I had a degree of self-control that probably would have enabled me to
remain in the best ward at this institution had I not been intent
--abnormally intent, of course, and yet with a high degree of
deliberation--upon a reformative investigation. The crest of my wave of
elation had been reached early in October. It was now (November) that
the curve representing my return to normality should have been