qualities expressed by that word sobriety, I should have remained a bachelor to the end of life. Scores of
gentlemen have, at different times, expressed to me their surprise that I was "always in spirits; that nothing
pulled me down;" and the truth is, that throughout nearly forty years of troubles, losses, and crosses, assailed
all the while by numerous and powerful enemies, and performing, at the same time, greater mental labors than
man ever before performed; all those labors requiring mental exertion, and some of them mental exertion of
the highest order, I have never known a single hour of real anxiety; the troubles have been no troubles to me; I
have not known what lowness of spirits meant; and have been more gay, and felt less care than any bachelor
that ever lived. "You are always in spirits!" To be sure, for why should I not be so? Poverty, I have always set
at defiance, and I could, therefore, defy the temptations to riches; and as to home and children, I had taken
care to provide myself with an inexhaustible store of that "sobriety" which I so strongly recommend to others.
'This sobriety is a title to trustworthiness; and this, young man, is the treasure that you ought to prize above all
others. Miserable is the husband who, when he crosses the threshold of his house, carries with him doubts, and
fears, and suspicions. I do not mean suspicions of the fidelity of his wife; but of her care, frugality, attention to
his interests, and to the health and morals of his children. Miserable is the man who cannot leave all unlocked;
and who is not sure, quite certain, that all is as safe as if grasped in his own hand.
'He is the happy husband who can go away at a moment's warning, leaving his house and family with as little
anxiety as he quits an inn, no more fearing to find, on his return, any thing wrong, than he would fear a
discontinuance of the rising and setting of the sun; and if, as in my case, leaving books and papers all lying
about at sixes and sevens, finding them arranged in proper order, and the room, during the lucky interval,
freed from the effects of his and his ploughman's or gardener's dirty shoes. Such a man has no real cares--no
troubles; and this is the sort of life I have led. I have had all the numerous and indescribable delights of home
and children, and at the same time, all the bachelor's freedom from domestic cares.
'But in order to possess this precious trustworthiness, you must, if you can, exercise your reason in the choice
of your partner. If she be vain of her person, very fond of dress, fond of flattery at all, given to gadding about,
fond of what are called parties of pleasure, or coquetish, though in the least degree,--she will never be
trustworthy; she cannot change her nature; and if you marry her, you will be unjust, if you expect
trustworthiness at her hands. But on the other hand, if you find in her that innate sobriety of which I have been
speaking, there is required on your part, and that at once, too, confidence and trust without any limit.
Confidence in this case is nothing, unless it be reciprocal. To have a trustworthy wife, you must begin by
showing her, even before marriage, that you have no suspicions, fears, or doubts in regard to her. Many a man
has been discarded by a virtuous girl, merely on account of his querulous conduct. All women despise jealous
men, and if they marry them, their motive is other than that of affection.'
There is a tendency, in our very natures, to become what we are taken to be. Beware then of suspicion or
jealousy, lest you produce the very thing which you most dread. The evil results of suspicion and jealousy
whether in single or married, public or private life, may be seen by the following fact.
A certain professional gentleman had the misfortune to possess a suspicious temper. He had not a better friend
on the earth than Mr. C., yet by some unaccountable whim or other, he began of a sudden to suspect he was
his enemy;--and what was at first at the farthest possible remove from the truth, ultimately grew to be a
reality. Had it not have been for his jealousy, Mr. C. might have been to this hour one of the doctor's warmest
and most confidential friends, instead of being removed--and in a great measure through his influence--from a
useful field of labor.
'Let any man observe as I frequently have,' says the writer last quoted, 'with delight, the excessive fondness of
the laboring people for their children. Let him observe with what care they dress them out on Sundays with
means deducted from their own scanty meals. Let him observe the husband, who has toiled, like his horse, all
the week, nursing the babe, while the wife is preparing dinner. Let him observe them both abstaining from a
sufficiency, lest the children should feel the pinchings of hunger. Let him observe, in short, the whole of their
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